Britcent - [S6E11] Giving compliments

Steph  00:00

Hello, Dalya. 

 

Dalya  00:04

Hello, Stephanie. How are you doing?

 

Steph  00:05

I'm very well, thank you. Don't you look lovely today?

 

Dalya  00:09

Oh, thank you. How very kind. You also look lovely, as usual. 

 

Steph  00:16

Oh, thank you. Stop. 

 

Dalya  00:20

Am I making you blush?

*make someone blush ~을 설레게 하다.

 

Steph  00:23

You're making me blush, yes. You're totally making me blush. We are talking about compliments today, which is why we're having this funny conversation in the interim.

*compliement 칭찬, 칭찬하다.

 

Dalya  00:31

Making each other swoon.

*swoon (성적 매력에 반해) 황홀해 하다.

 

Steph  00:32

Yes, exactly, exactly. This is Season 6, Episode 12. And yeah, we're going to be talking about giving compliments to people, like we just did to each other. So, listen out for some words. We're going to be using three useful words and phrases, which we'll then explain at the end of the podcast and give some examples.

 

Dalya  01:02

Indeed. So I think the reason we're talking about this today is because a few of my students have asked me, explicitly, "Is it rude to compliment someone in Britain?" 

 

Steph  01:14

Really? 

 

Dalya  01:14

Yeah, I've had this actually twice last week.

 

Steph  01:17

Really? And when you say "rude to compliment someone", what are they thinking of, exactly? Compliment someone on what?

 

Dalya  01:25

Their appearance, usually. Their appearance.

 

Steph  01:27

Okay, okay. Yeah. Well, it is a bit of a sensitive one, isn't it? Like, you have to be careful what you're complimenting someone on in terms of appearance. Not so much in terms of skills, abilities, personality; those things are fine. That's totally fine, to compliment someone on those things. But when it comes to their body, it's a different story.

 

Dalya  01:55

Yeah, absolutely. Even if your intentions are good, if someone is self-conscious, even if it's nice - you know, some people love being called beautiful - but if someone's a bit self-conscious, they don't like the attention.

*self-conscious 남의 시선을 의식하는, 자의식이 강한

 

Steph  02:10

Yeah, exactly. Like if they're maybe a shy person, or maybe they're a bit of an introvert, they might not like the extra attention on them. Yeah. I get that. 

 

Dalya  02:24

Have you ever experienced this thing where you give someone a compliment, and then they say, "Well, what, did I not look like that before?" Like, if I'm beautiful today, then-- that's sometimes why I just avoid it completely because you can really start, you know, you can really put your foot in it.

*put one's foot in it 곤경에 빠지다, 실수하다. 

 

Steph  02:41

Well, I mean, I think if somebody responds that way, I think that's their problem, really, to be honest. I mean, I have encountered that in the past. Not so much, to be honest, but it makes it more awkward if someone says that, surely?

 

Dalya  02:56

Yeah. 

 

Steph  02:58

I think that it's an important skill to be able to accept a compliment.

 

Dalya  03:03

It's true. It's true. So, yeah, it's a definite-- I do that now. I'm like, "Just say 'thank you' graciously, bow your head and move on."

 

Steph  03:10

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, say 'thank you' with a smile and that's it. You don't need to focus on it too much. 

 

Dalya  03:16

Yeah. 

 

Steph  03:17

But I have noticed that in lessons, I noticed that I might compliment one of my students on their English, for example, and sometimes they just don't say anything.

 

Dalya  03:31

Oh really? When you pay them a compliment, are they embarrassed, or...?

*pay somebody a compliement ~을 칭찬하다.

 

Steph  03:37

I think maybe it's an embarrassment thing, or maybe they're really shy. Maybe they don't like the attention drawn to them. But I have noticed it because in our Britcent lessons, one of the things that we try to do is we - apart from obviously correcting any mistakes or suggesting new words - one thing is that we pick out something that they said in that lesson that was really nice. Excellent language. And I've noticed that with a few of my students - not all but a few of them - if I compliment them on a specific word or phrase that they use, they might just simply say nothing in response. And I think it's because they're a little bit shy. Others might say, "Oh, thank you", and smile.

 

Dalya  04:18

Well, it might also be because people are genuinely surprised. Like, most of my students, even the really, you know, the really high-level ones seem to think that their English isn't good. 

 

Steph  04:27

Right, yeah. 

 

Dalya  04:29

We've been told it's kind of a cultural thing, right? You're not supposed to compliment yourself because it might be seen as arrogant. I mean, we've all as teachers have all experienced getting a new student and they say they're a beginner and then they speak like the Queen because they're trying to be humble, you know? I think modesty is an important thing. Maybe that's a stereotype; I don't know. But...

*arrogant 오만한

*humble 겸손한

*modesty 겸손, 얌전함

 

Steph  04:50

Mm. Would you say modesty is important in Britain also?

 

Dalya  04:54

I mean, I think so. I mean, obviously Korea and Britain are very different but I certainly feel that, in many ways, they're quite similar because loads of people in Britain, loads of Europeans, continental Europeans, will tell you that Brits can be quite awkward. And yeah, self-effacing. 

*continental (영국을 제외한) 유럽 대륙의

*self-effacing 자기를 내세우지 않는

 

Steph  05:11

Shy and awkward. 

 

Dalya  05:12

Yeah. Not wanting a compliment. Or putting yourself down.

*put somebody down ~을 깎아내리다, 바보로 만들다.

 

Steph  05:17

Yeah, yeah, that is very true, actually, about a lot of British people. If somebody pays them a compliment, they might almost turn it on its head, they might kind of, I don't know, kind of make a joke of it, I think. 

*turn it on its head 완전히 반대로 생각하다.

 

Dalya  05:36

Kind of insult themselves. 

 

Steph  05:37

Insult themselves, kind of. Yeah, yeah. And I think the reason people do that is because they feel awkward or they don't want to bring unwanted attention to themselves.

*unwanted 원치 않은, 반갑지 않은

 

Dalya  05:37

Stiff upper lip, eh? 

 

Steph  05:37

Yeah, exactly. It's kind of, yeah, it's just the British way, I guess. 

 

Dalya  05:45

My dad is like that; he can't even accept a present. He'd say, "Oh, I'm embarrassed." And I'd be like, "Just enjoy it!" 

 

Steph  06:01

Oh, really? What, like, if it's his birthday or something, you pass him a gift, he'll kind of--

 

Dalya  06:06

Especially if it's not expected. He'd say, "Oh, I'm embarrassed." And I'd say, "Just relax and enjoy it."

 

Steph  06:14

That's so funny. Yeah, but we are quite different to, let's say, American culture, at least from what I've seen on television.

 

Dalya  06:23

Yeah, stereotypically. 

 

Steph  06:24

Stereotypically. I've noticed that Americans tend to kind of be like, "Yeah, well done! Excellent work!" Like, clap, clap, clap. Kind of like, want to really show that somebody's done well and really bring it to everyone's attention. But in the UK, we're really not like that, are we? 

 

Dalya  06:43

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you could argue that the latter is better because it means that when someone does compliment you, you know it's real, you know it's genuine. But, you know, who knows?

 

Steph  06:56

Yeah, but maybe we should compliment people a little bit more. I don't--

 

Dalya  07:01

Yeah, sometimes I think that it's a shame, because sometimes people are doing really well but they don't have a clue because everyone's too embarrassed to say it.

 

Steph  07:09

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Although saying that, I've experienced situations in the past where people have left a job or, you know, they weren't happy at work. And one of the reasons was they weren't being given any praise by their manager or their boss. That can be a common issue. Obviously, you know, it's different, isn't it, because you're being complimented on your skills, on your work. So it's different to being complimented on your looks or...

 

Dalya  07:36

Something you can't control. 

 

Steph  07:37

Yeah, exactly. 

 

Dalya  07:39

So these people--

 

Steph  07:41

No, no, go ahead. You go ahead.

 

Dalya  07:43

The people who left their jobs, they were actually doing well, they just didn't know it? 

 

Steph  07:48

Yeah, they might not have felt recognised, let's say. I think recognition is quite important, these days especially. You know, at work, especially. I was just gonna say that on the topic of appearances, one thing that I find quite interesting is that some of my Korean students have complimented other people on certain features, which we wouldn't really compliment on.

*feature 이목구비 각 부분, 특징, 특색

 

Dalya  08:14

Oh, yes, the face. Someone told me I had a good-sized forehead. And I was like-- 

*forehead 이마

 

Steph  08:20

Really?! 

 

Dalya  08:22

Well, I always thought my forehead was big. And then someone said, "Oh, it's a good size because everybody's foreheads in Korea are small." And I was thinking, "I have never, ever, ever heard that in my life."

 

Steph  08:32

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's not really something we would focus on, I think, as a thing to compliment, I suppose. I also have experienced something similar. Not with myself, but I had a student who said that he really thought this K-pop star was really beautiful and he said, "She's got such a small face." Yeah, he kind of said it to me, like, "Wow, you know, she has such a small face." And I said to him, "What does that mean exactly? Why is that a good thing?" He couldn't quite explain to me what it was, but for him that was a positive attribute, I guess. So yeah, that is interesting. What would we compliment someone on? If we were complimenting them on their looks, what would we pick out, do you think? 

 

Dalya  09:22

If people lose weight and they're obviously healthy - you know, not too thin - if people lose weight, we always see that as a compliment. I don't know, just if someone looks pretty or well put together or if something suits them, often people say, oh, you know, "That colour really suits you." "You look good in that dress." 

*well put together 단정하다, 말끔하다.

 

Steph  09:40

So we kind of focus on a specific thing that they're wearing and say, "Oh, that dress really suits you." Or even their hair. Maybe, "Oh, have you changed your hair? It's really nice" or "I like your hair", or something like that. But not necessarily like-- we wouldn't say, "Oh, you've got beautiful eyes." I mean, you might do if you were trying-- 

 

Dalya  10:02

If you're in love with someone.

 

Steph  10:03

If you're in love with them and you're trying to romance them, maybe. But we wouldn't really comment on the shape of someone's nose or ears or chin or whatever it is. Like, really? I don't think. We just say someone's good looking, I suppose. 

*chin 턱

 

Dalya  10:18

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

 

Steph  10:21

But one thing that's kind of like a, yeah, it's almost an insult, I would say, yeah, if someone says to you, "Oh, you're looking well." I have heard that in the past and I wasn't impressed because normally it indicates that the person has maybe put on a bit of weight so they're kind of fuller, like their body is a bit rounder. So, "Oh, you're looking well, you've been eating well." 

*put on weight 체중이 늘다, 살찌다.

 

Dalya  10:45

That sounds like the type of thing that your grandma would say. Passive aggressive. 

 

Steph  10:49

I was gonna say, like a passive aggressive, older generation--

 

Dalya  10:52

Back-handed compliment. 

*back-handed compliment 칭찬 같지 않은 칭찬

 

Steph  10:53

Right, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, in fact, the person who said it to me was an older person. Yeah, but otherwise, you would say, "Oh, you look great." You know, like, if you think someone actually looks really good, you know, maybe you haven't seen them in a while or something, you'd say, "Oh, you look great."

in a while 한동안

 

Dalya  11:13

Yeah. But the trouble is though, often sometimes if I see a woman's got makeup on, and I think they look very pretty, sometimes I don't say it because then they often say, "Oh, people only say that to me when I wear makeup", meaning--

 

Steph  11:27

Really? 

 

Dalya  11:28

Yeah. And then sometimes they say that when they don't wear makeup people say, "Are you okay? You look, you know--?" 

 

Steph  11:32

Oh no! You don't want to be saying that. "Are you okay?" 

 

Dalya  11:39

It's a tightrope, isn't it? It's a tough line to walk.

 

Steph  11:42

Yeah, I think you need to just bear in mind who the person is, how well you know them. 

*bear in mind 명심하다.

 

Dalya  11:47

Yeah, exactly. 

 

Steph  11:50

That sort of thing. You don't go and, you know, kind of complimenting just everyone and anyone. It's more, you know, people you know, I suppose? 

 

Dalya  12:00

Yeah, yeah, just if not, just don't risk it. 

 

Steph  12:03

Yeah. 

 

Dalya  12:04

Anyway.

 

Steph  12:05

Yeah. Shall we go to our words and phrases? Okay, would you like to start with the first one?

 

Dalya  12:11

So the first one I said right at the beginning - sneaked one in there - is 'blush', 'to make someone blush'. 

 

Steph  12:19

Yes. 

 

Dalya  12:20

And maybe people who wear makeup have heard of this because it's also the name of, you know, blusher, the red stuff you put on your cheeks. And it's related to that. So 'to blush' means to become red in the face because you're embarrassed. Or you can make someone blush, which means to make someone else go red in the face. So you could say, for example, "You look beautiful today." And that person might respond. "Oh, stop it. You're making me blush." 

 

Steph  12:48

Yeah. I like it. 

 

Dalya  12:50

Or, "She blushed when she remembered the conversation they'd had."

 

Steph  12:55

So maybe it was like an embarrassing conversation or something.

 

Dalya  12:58

Yeah. But it's often used in a humorous way, right? It doesn't mean you're really embarrassed if you say, "Oh, stop it. You're making me blush", it means like, "Ooh, thank you for the compliment."

 

Steph  13:07

But yeah, "The attention is now on me and I'm recognising that."

 

Dalya  13:11

Yeah, so yeah, it's often used humorously. 

 

Steph  13:14

It is. Talking of compliments, so you would say 'to pay someone a compliment'. So we use the verb 'pay', which is quite unusual, I suppose, considering that we use it for money and stuff. But you could pay someone a compliment on something. But you can also use it as verb. So you could say, 'to compliment someone on something'. And if you pay someone a compliment, or compliment someone, this means that you praise them for something. So you say something nice about something they've done or something, you know, the way they look. For example, you could say, "She always paid me compliments on my hair and my clothes." Or, "His teacher complimented him on his English."

 

Dalya  13:58

And this word has an I in it's not an E, because when you say 'complement' with P-L-E, that has a totally different meaning. Different word. 

 

Steph  14:06

That's right. Yeah. So be careful of the spelling if you're writing this down. And what was our third word?

 

Dalya  14:13

So, again, we have 'insulting' or 'insulted' or 'insult someone'. So we've got two adjectives and a verb there. So it means causing or intending to cause somebody to feel offended or hurt. So something can be insulting, for example, a comment, and then somebody feels insulted because somebody insulted them. How many times did I say the word 'insult'?

 

Steph  14:40

Hmm, I'm gonna say six, seven.

 

Dalya  14:43

So, for example, we could say, "I felt deeply insulted that she hadn't asked me to the meeting." "She hadn't asked me to the meeting." 

 

Steph  14:51

Hmm. Yes. 

 

Dalya  14:53

We could also say, "His opinions are highly insulting to women."

 

Steph  14:59

There you go. I could think of someone like that. 

 

Dalya  15:02

I'm gonna say we're ending that on a bombshell. 

 

Steph  15:04

Boom. Mic drop. 

 

Dalya  15:07

Indeed.

 

Steph  15:09

There we go. Okay, I think that's all for today, right? We can wrap up here. 

 

Dalya  15:14

Indeed indeed.

 

Steph  15:16

Well, it was lovely to see you and your wonderful beautiful face. 

 

Dalya  15:20

Thank you. And my forehead. People are now gonna go on the Britcent website and look at the size of my forehead and judge. 

 

Steph  15:29

Oh no. 

 

Dalya  15:32

Anyway, lovely to see you.

 

Steph  15:33

Yeah, and I will see you in our next episode. 

 

Dalya  15:37

Take care. Adios. 

 

Steph  15:40

Goodbye.